I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY . . . (Use BugMeNot for subscription access) From constipation to cancer, diarrhea to diabetes, they offer to cure nearly everything -- with medicines made from cow urine. India's Hindu nationalists, who were ousted from power last May, have a new job: promoting cow products that many Indians believe have great therapeutic value.

A stall at the headquarters of the main opposition Bharatiya Janata Party showcases more than two dozen tonics, potions, pills and a line of cosmetics. The products are sold under the brand name Goratna, or "jewels of the cow."

The Goratna offerings use five key cow products -- butter, milk, curd, urine and dung. Purushottam Toshniwal, the general secretary of the cooperative that manufactures the cosmetics, said workers there followed a "solid scientific process" based on India's ancient herbal remedies, known as ayurveda.

The science and technology minister in the previous Hindu nationalist-led government pushed officials to file an application with the U.S. Patent Office for a patent on cow urine distillate. The patent was granted in 2002.

"Even in the United States, they now recognize the worth of cow urine," Toshniwal said.

umm, no they're not . . .